Forgiveness

I have had enough of all these shit in life, if forgiveness is something i need to find from God and go through all these shit as punishment, then keep the forgiveness for someone else. I do not need His forgiveness. My hatred grows daily for myself, for those who did me wrong. I will not forgive Simone, Andrea, Amos, Norman and those who have sinned against me. So now, i preached what i believe – i do not expect forgiveness from God and let hatred reign in my heart today.

How long more?

Lord,

I know i have been a bad person for most of my life. Every single commands and laws i have transgressed against you and i am a sinner, the worst of the worse. I am sure many can attest to that, and shame in listing them, (lied, cheated, sexual immoralities, hurt girls i’ve loved, i have turned away from you to drinking, and many more) and greater shame that i have done it knowing full well of the consequences of my actions. Lord I am a sinner.

How long do i need to be punished Father? I have tried but failed, and i know what happened, for the last few years – from relationships to work, and in my personal walk with you, it is all failures, i am prepared to give up my business, i do not care about wealth or health, nor do i care about business when i’ve got no peace with you. How do i find peace with you? When will my punishment be over Father? I hate my life, really, and everything with it.

I am perplexed and i am in anger, not with anyone, but myself. I have myself to be blamed for after all i am a disgusting, sinner. If i do not find favour in God’s eyes, then i will not want to have his favour or blessings. Take my life and spare me this agony, anywhere is better than here, be it hell or heaven.

Working with Angels to bring revival?

I read this and my heart sank.

Randy Demain was visited by the Lord and assigned an angel named Breakthrough Revival. When this angel shows up, an incredible empowerment comes for revival, healing and deliverance. This is a mighty angel who can destroy the forces of darkness that attempt to hold back the promises of God.

As you watch this video you will hear from Randy about this powerful angel and the grace of heaven that is available to see the seeds of destiny in you flower into fullness in this hour!

It is so sad, that the focus is now on miracles, angels to bring about revival, rather than God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Nowhere in the bible are we commanded to chase after angels but many times, we are commanded to walk in the Spirit and in the Lord, and live by His Word. I lost my book “Charismatic Chaos” by John MacArthur and i was quite devastated by that. I think i shall save up to go and get the book again.

I am worried where all these teachings are bringing us to, a new era of heretical teachings that take our faith off Jesus to angels?

Life is about decisions

I’ve learned in my short life of 30, that there is only one word that sums up what’s living is about – it is about making decisions and choices. Along since i was 10, i made the decision to accept Jesus as my Saviour, though i wasn’t really living it out until i was 15 or 16 in one of the youth camps that i truly decided to pursue Him as my Lord.

In life, maybe it is inevitable that we will fall, and it seems almost impossible to comprehend what it is like to know a person who has never fallen into sin. Sin has it lures of temporal pleasures and it does offer a short fleeting moment of satisfaction, but in the end, it is always pain, guilt, and perhaps detrimental to our walk in Christ.

I have made many terrible decisions, made many wrong choices, had my share of shameful period of lifestyle in debauchery, fleshly gratification, and worldly carnal pleasures. In those days, i’ve sow many seeds of iniquities, and reaping the consequences now as i believe. If my life is measured by my actions and speech, I would be damned to eternity in hell, that’s why till today i am awed, overwhelmed by His Grace and His Mercy especially that who am i that He should save me and notice me and pulled me from the pits of hell that i was.

I realised today, when Mercy said something, since i came into her life, i have been a source of distraction for her in many areas – her spiritual walk, her work etc. And i agree with her after giving it some consideration.  And then i read an article on the newsletter.

By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.
–Hebrews 11:24-25

It breaks my heart when I see young people who were raised in the Church decide to search for something else. It’s always sad when they think they have missed something by being in a home with conservative Christian convictions and values.

The truth is they find out they haven’t missed anything???except a lot of heartache and trouble.

The Bible forthrightly acknowledges that there may be a “fleeting” pleasure to sin. But that’s the problem???the fun wears off very quickly, and all that’s left is the pain and regret of sinful choices.

But because sin does seem to offer pleasure, it takes strong convictions and rock-solid values to live for Christ. Moses had those convictions, so he chose to follow the Lord even though, as the son of Pharaoh, he could have had all the pleasures that the world had to offer.

But notice that Moses’ decision to live for God involved a willingness to be mistreated. There’s a lesson here for us: there is no shortcut or quick fix when it comes to living a Christ-like life.

Holding to your convictions is not always the easy choice, even though it is always the right choice.

When you try to hold on to the world and to Christ at the same time, you’ll get the worst of both worlds and the best of none. Being true to Christ is a decision you have to make every day. My prayer is that it will be the decision you make!

LIVING FOR CHRIST IS NOT ALWAYS THE EASY CHOICE, BUT IT IS ALWAYS THE RIGHT CHOICE.

And i wonder have i made the decision to follow and live for Christ? I feel I have not been living up to His standard and fallen so short of what’s required. Will I have the courage to live for Christ or will i give in to the demands and lures of this world?

Why i prefer to be a nobody

The sayings go “When you are famous, everyone want a piece of you.” is true for people who have a high profile. The mistakes get amplified, and problems will stack so high and sometimes it requires an equal amount of character to match that expectation.

I prefer to be a nobody, i prefer to be alone, i prefer to mind my own business and get on with life on my own because i wouldn’t be a target, nor the burden of responsibilities for other people. When i was in the officer’s school, was taught this concept of the “Burden of Command” that when we are placed into the roles of leadership, we carried the burden of responsibilities not just the power, it is that burden that we respect and carry out duties out well, and that’s what we get our soldiers alive through war and tough times.

I am a nobody, and i prefer to remain it that way. I see nothing good can come out of me.

Modernistic look at religion vs Atheism.

There are a sharp increase in world views on God and spiritual things through the eyes of an atheist. Atheism is on the move. Just because they can’t see God or see faith, it means it doesn’t exist, but the same principle in reasoning fails to sustain itself when it is applied to gravity, or even the air we breathe. The truth is we ‘see’ the effects of gravity, or the uses of air that keeps us alive, nevertheless, the effects of God’s existence is denied without any serious intellectual thoughts given to it, or even when evidences that compel them to make a reasonable deduction, it is soon to be dismissed. Why?

The spiritual blindness will increase in the end days, that includes those who are fallen, and are disobedient. How can we see God unless God himself choose to reveal Himself? Until someone switch the light on, we are in darkness, unable to find our ways around. Atheism is like a blind man in a dark room, finding meaning to his existence, deny the existence of light and the denial of his own environment. How can one punch some light into an atheist? We can’t, unless God do that work. Jesus had to blind Saul so he can be Paul, to see through the eyes of faith, that there is a God and His Name is Jesus

Throughout the ages, intellectual tries to explain Jesus, tho we had great teachers like Apostle Paul, Origen, Jerome and many but the essence of faith is not a product of intellectual pursuit, this the Atheist and the Skeptics had failed to come to terms, it is a revelation that a child can understand. The scientific laws can attest to the fallen world, but does not explain where it will go or lead us, and yet, more people rather trust in Science than the Truth.

The pursuit of Truth is not a sprint, but a marathon, in which the finishing line might be when i stand before the Great White Throne of God when He said, “well done, good and faithful servant” that’s my desire. That my desire is to impart that to those around me. Atheism is a lie, a lie that we want to believe that we can lead and command our own destinies, but when trouble comes, atheism is not the answer

I am lost

I had a dream. I was walking in the desert and the sky’s burning with various shades of red and orange, and i can feel the scorching heat on my face but it did not burn me up, in fact i feel a cooling sensation. The sand is shifting in the desert wind as if like water, and i am climbing a small hill, with every step i took, i slide down the side of the hill as if trying to climb a hill of gravel stones. My hands’ bruised and bleeding but i don’t feel the pain, maybe perhaps i do not feel anything at all. The harder i tried to climb, the faster i descend. I am losing hope, every bit of my energy spent despite courageous effort to stand up and try again, i have no more to give. Looking back, i saw the many pits and failures, and i dare not look what’s beyond the hill. Is it a cross that stands there or another hill or just another valley of hopelessness. I clamored for the darkness to come, and surround me like a blanket. It might not be warm but at least i know where i can at least find some rest. Enough of another prep talk of another garden of sunshine and lilies. It will only remain as a dream. I’ve never felt more alone than now. Oh scary and cold is loneliness, where every tear is like froze burning on my hot face.

Lessons to learn over weekend

As I’ve yet to come up with a saucy title for this post, it will not diminished the importance in the lessons learned over the weekend. Many in fact, and all having one central theme – Love.

It is about loving someone, to say I forgive. It is loving beyond what a normal person would do to say the precious words. When i said those words to that person, i realized it is the same words i long to hear from Kay and I’ve done many wrong things, and i too wish to hear these words from the person i’ve hurt, and most important, if God can forgive a terrible person like I am, why can’t i forgive others of the same? I am not God but i am trying to be like Him.

Love is like the tears of a man when we mentioned his son’s name, and seeing the anguish in the contorted face, and i can imagine how much love this man has for his son.

Love is like the wife who despite not feeling well, keeping vigil at her husband’s side day and night, loving him and taking care of him selflessly.

Love is about restrain, it is about respect, it is about honour, it is about protecting, and it is about doing the right thing even tho it feels so right to do something sometimes. Love is about reflecting Jesus, the ultimate expression of Love of an Almighty God.

What a weekend!

Profile of loneliness

Whatever happened at Virginia Tech Campus was not how the world saw a young Korean gunning down 30 of his peers but the cause of this madness. Many have described Cho as an extremely introverted lonely kid and his teacher noticed the disturbing signs and violence in this young man and by ignoring these signs, as events rolled out with lives lost unnecessarily.

It is more than lives lost that saddens me, it is the indifference shown when all seems fine, that human to human interaction is marginalized. We allowed insignificant differences to stand in the way between reaching out in love and turning away in a strangers’ farewell and it is this lack of love in a society where we are all measured by how popular we are, or how much money do we have, that the evils of modern society began to penetrate the minorities in the form of loneliness. If i were to look at this incident, i would say, loneliness is the killer, and indifference is the accomplice, hatred is the weapon and perhaps this is the sign that Jesus is indeed coming back.

The demise of sanity

Read on the news of a gunman shooting in Virginia, which 33 students died. In two incidents, within a short span of a hour or two, when the shootings took place in the 26,000 student population shocked the nation and the world beyond.

As the world continue to advance in the science and technology, unfortunately the reverse of morality and sanity declines. This incident is neither shocking nor should be affecting Christians, although I grieved for the students who died in this madness. I believe these must happen, because in the end days, lawlessness will increase, and so it must happen that Jesus will come back soon. We too, must take a lesson in this incident, that we are commanded to tell people about Jesus, before it is too late, for the next breathe could be our last.

Benny Hinn is in Singapore

The author of the best seller – good morning Holy Spirit is in town! In fact, i thought Mercy would want to go down and attend the crusades at the Indoor Stadium, on the contrary, she didn’t want to go down. I thought with my biasness on Mr Benny Hinn, I would be the one saying that. Over the many months, there were TB Joshua, Rev Kobus, Apostle Roderick, and Apostle Renato which i have met and heard their preachings, except that this time, i wasn’t too enthusiastic of joining the mad rush to hear this man. In my opinion, and i must admit i might be prejudiced, in fact, i view such chasing after preachings as a form of idolatry. Aren’t we Christians commanded to only seek God in that manner and not man? Mr Benny Hinn is after all a man, no matter what people said how annointed he is, my desire is to seek God and God alone. I am glad no one ask me to go down because i know i will make some illogical statement about this man’s ministry and i do not want to do that, because first, the same yardstick i gave when i went to Prophet TB Joshua’s crusades, i will applied the same. I have not met Benny Hinn, nor sat down in one of his crusades, nor listen to his preachings, i will urged all so called ‘anti-benny hinn’ radicals to focus instead on what is more important, the pursuit of our Lord Jesus and all that about God that matters more.

Let the rain fall down!

Grace like Rain – by Todd Agnew.  What a song! When my beloved Mercy sang this, i was like ooooooooo not nice. When i listened to it again, this song is so beautiful, like a timeless classic masterpiece from the song “Amazing Grace” and refreshing my weary soul from rain of heaven. I love You Father and I love Mercy so much.

Stretched

Whatever bit of ‘faith’ i can squeeze from the remnants of ‘knowledge’ i have is what I have left to sustain me. It is like running an engine on fumes of petrol, and nothings left. I have no faith in me left to believe in God. I realized that whatever is driving me on is from my head and i am dying.

“There must be something more….”

Ever had that thought eating away inside of you and nudging on the edge of our ego that life is wholly shallow and unfulfilled? That’s it, and as I’ve reflected over the last six months, I’ve had adventures and not just that, trials that really test me of my faith, in which occasionally, I did not pass it, and not only that, I’ve failed terribly, and some, well most of them, I barely make it. One thing I do know, is the unsurpassed and wonderful mercy and grace which I found in Christ.

I am reminded of the depth of His love for me. “Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God that God should repay him? For whom him and through Him, and to Him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” Romans 11:33-36

How we live our lives now must reflect our walk with God, that we ought to seek to be more like Jesus, conforming to His image everyday. No wonder, the feeling has been a wake up call to go beyond what’s now, to take a step into the arena of faith. I’ve been walking based on what I can see, and Lord, help me to walk by faith, what is not seen, but by your Word. I do not wish to be a hypocrite any longer that I should profess and not do, and I can trust  you to help me each day, each action, and through my work, and my walk, that I can trust in you my God.

Angelic activities….

There has been a greater emphasis within the Prophetic and Apostolic movement on increased Angelic activities and even offer ‘scripture verses’ in the bible that allows increased angelic activities in our lives today!

I read these in alarm. There is nowhere in the scripture that we ought to give much importance on the angelic activities or even told to seek after their involvement in our daily walks. Make no mistakes the scriptures did mention something about angels.

And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. – 2 Cor 11:14

Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. – Col 2:18

Nowhere in the scriptures are we told to chase after activities of angelic beings other than what was revealed of the nature of the angelic beings, ministering spirits, angels who did not keep their position of authority and was thrown into the abyss, etc. Let us not fall into the movement which chase after angels, but God. Let our eyes be fixed on Jesus, and on the cross by which through His death, our sins are washed, and we are called as a holy nation, royal priesthood to be servants of the Almighty God.