What was wrong with me?

29 09 2006

Over the last one week, i was troubled. Not because of anything to do with Mercy, in fact, Mercy has been such a great blessing and a great comfort instead. I love her!!! Anyway, the thing that has been troubling me, is why wasn’t i encouraged and ministered to during last sunday’s sermon? Was it that the sermon doesn’t speak or not annointed or is it about me? And something happened on monday which caused me to ponder over the condition of my walk with God. Is my integrity and character questionable? It wasn’t so much about my character but my walk with God.

God has brought two issues this week, which i cannot run away. About marriage and family. I was hit by the current talks on the radio about having a healthy family (as the government is trying to bring across a message to couples to plan their marriage and family as to reduce the divorce rate in Singapore), and over the last one week, there is this huge poster at the bus stop about marriage again, and i got the latest Good News Magazine: Special Edition, and guess what!!! Yes, ithe title is “Bringing up a moral child”, and last but not least, Jenn asked me out of a sudden, about my wedding and my preparation! Manz, this is NOT coincidental, and i know this is something God wants to bring to my attention!

Second, is what to make of my christian walk. I love the two podcasts i put up yesterday, as they are the direct answer to my troubled heart. It is about the decision i make everyday that counts, the decision to follow God today! Joshua said to the Israelites “Choose today whom you shall serve! and as for me and my household, we will SERVE the LORD!” see! it is about family again…. it is God’s timing for me to marry Mercy! And i had a rather subdued cell yesterday because first i was so exhausted for some reason, and more, is that i had so many things on my mind that i can’t concentrate. I just wanted to go off as soon as the cell is finished. And as i was walking to the bus stop, i told God, “May i have the honour to walk with you as a friend?” and it hit me! I felt God’s presence, something which i miss terribly. It is not a psyched up feeling, and i know it is real because i felt peace, and i know where i need to be, no more troubled heart, no more confusion, but peace, and it is something only God can give.

I got home and still in a state of subdued quietness, and had a talk with Mercy, and she has been such a GREAT fiancee, reassuring me, and i told her, there is no need, because my security is in God, not in her or this relationship and that i do trust her and have 100% faith and confidence in her. She is just being so great once again. wow….. how did she manage to be such a godly and great fiancee? Just excited about our preparation for our wedding! Well God has brought so much emphasis this week on family and i know this is God’s answer to my question if we are right about the planning for our wedding next year Dec. Well what can i say…. God is great.


Podcast “I’ve made up my mind” by Pastor Paul Goulet

28 09 2006


I’ve first met Pastor Paul Goulet when i was 20? at Grace Assembly. He was one of the most influential preacher in my early years as a christian bringing much awareness of the spiritual gifts, realm to a conservative church. Even tho, Pastor Paul Goulet later was in my opinion abit extreme on the holy laughter movement, his teachings and revelations have greatly encouraged me still! Today, in respond to the Two podcasts i was listening and i’ve made up my mind to live justly, i’ve made up my mind to love mercy, i’ve made up my mind to walk humbly, i’ve made up my mind to serve God, i’ve made up my mind to love Mercy Lucille Soh as my fiancee and wife-to-be, i’ve made up my mind to show grace and love to the unlovable, i’ve made my mind to devote myself to reading of His Word, to teach, to share, to encourage!

True intimacy requires TIME, it is not sacrifices. It is the TIME we made the decision to spend with God and TALK to HIM! Time Time Time! it is time spent with God that will bring the depth in my relationship and walk with God!
Manz! I love podcasting. Godly christian podcast can be a powerful tool of which God’s Truths is being preached!

TGN Podcast: Micah 6:8

28 09 2006


To live justly, love mercy and walk humbly before God simplifies our walk with God, it does not need to be complicated. Micah 6:8

In the context of preserving religious harmony…

27 09 2006

See Melvyn’s blog on an incident which i got the death threats.. oops i mean well meaning XXX who posted comments on my blog. While i edited one post where references of the Holy XXX in my conviction to be what the Book of Revelation refers to as the Great XXX, it is still in my belief to be so, even when i removed that comment in the pretext of maintaining this religious harmony in the community of Singapore bloggers. I am glad that I have a friend like Melvyn to give me some valuable legal advice.

Evidences of our salvation

27 09 2006

What are the evidences of a genuine salvation? This you and I need to answer if we are christians. The fundamental question of all questions. Click here for the article written by John MacArthur.

who am i?

27 09 2006

One of the most common tagline on my MSN messenger – “Who am i?” – a question that has involved massive discussion and arguments in my head from both side of the camp, but it is in the end, a still small voice that settles the issue.

I’ve often wondered who am i really? Just another speck of dust in this massive universe, i do not have a great past, often it is almost scandalous, i was a disgrace to Christ with my alcoholic years, i haven’t been the best of testimonies when comes to relationship, nor was my conduct something i can boost about. I could talk about the days in the army, but it was a time i rather not talk about it at all, even tho the proudest moment was when i was commissioned as an officer in the Singapore Armed Forces despite me having injuries etc, it was more of a personal achievement than anything else. Being an officer, is nothing in my opinion. Then i turned to knowledge, i studied theology, and that makes it even worse, because such knowledge made me more judgemental, sometimes i cannot live up to the standard God has set, and that’s condemnation! I am not gifted, i do not have talents like Jenn or Eric who can play instrument well, nor am i as annointed as Rev Jimmel, or as charismatic as the Prime Minister.

As i struggled through this course of really finding who i am, the book “When God whispers your name” by Max Lucado constantly reminded me of the content of the book and then the still small voice spoke “You are my child” that’s all it need to settle the discussion and argument once and for all. I can write about this because i am secured, i am placed on the position of identity that is not changed by circumstances, my past, even my future for all these are redeemed and a second chance to life is given by the author of LIFE himself!

Things that are of permanence

27 09 2006

The insanity of the shifting realities has infused a great deal of confusion to life, where one will be desperate to hold on to something permanence to make something and meaningful out of the short years on this earth. I’ve been through from one end to another; from the extreme in loose living from getting drunk daily to hanging out with girls just for the sake of companionship to a pharisaic pain in the arse, there are nothing that are of permanence that doesn’t require a certain level of pain and devotion. Anything that’s easy to achieve, is probably not of permanence. Jesus has to die for our sins through the ordeals he suffered in the course to calvary, and that’s PAIN. Ultimate Sacrifice by the Son of God has set something eternal off from the history of Man, that’s the turning point to the fallen world where nothing is of permanence to something that the entire creation can rest on – the reality of God and His Love for us through his sacrificial death for us on the Cross is the consummation of His love for us!

I used to hang on the temporals, girls, relationship, material things, achievements, jobs, reputation, and others, but i realised i could lose all these in a wink, tho i will feel the pain, i won’t die cos of it, but i would die eternally without God when i lose my grasp of eternity when i do not have God in my life. Where my treasure is, there my heart is also. Lord, my heart is beginning to grow cold, help me to come to you when you will send fire down from heaven to consume this heart of mine! Lord make it a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to You!