Fruits

“Produce fruits in keeping with repentance” Matt 3:8

How many times have we forgotten about the warnings from John the Baptist? He said in a few lines down, that the ax is already at the oot of the trees, an every tree that does not produce good fruits will be cut down and thrown into the fire. The context of this, John was talking about the Pharisees, who above everyone ought to know what is require of them, but they did not instead they abuse their position.

We often taught that God’s grace extends even to every christians be it they are sinning or not, I agree, however, there are a few considerations, while God’s grace is the same towards the wicked and the righteous, then God’s wrath is at the same time poured out on the wickedness and wicked. The reason why some are not dead from God’s judgment, is because of His Grace.

There is another group of Christians who think they are “Men of God” abused their authority, like the Pharisees, John the Baptist has strong words for them. Bear fruits that are consistent with Repentance or they will be ‘cut’ off from their position. Over the many years, we saw many “Men of God” fell from sexual immorality within their office and scandals. God’s Words is TRUE today, yesterday and tomorrow. If we choose not to submit ourselves to the changing power of the Holy Spirit within our lives and follow our own wicked agenda, bear this word, THE AX IS READY TO CUT YOU OFF FROM YOUR POSITION. Do not be caught in surprise like the young rich man whose life God took that very night he contemplated the enormity of his wealth.

Why Theology is SOOOOOO important!

You wouldn’t want to go to GOD in prayer and address HIM as “Hey Bud” (Substitute HEY BUD with A**AH, or BU**HA). Now you know why it is SO important to know abit about theology, like who God is, and who Jesus really is. Now all you who reads my blog, don’t waste your life away and go find out more about who our God really is. Cecilia once challenged her class (2 tim 2:2 classes) that we Christians ought to go find out all the names of God and let the revelation of God’s Names change how we approach this Almighty God.

What assumption can do to an ass!

I installed UBUNTU! (yea yea, so i am a proud user of LINUX! Ubuntu is Linux for human beans!) anyway, the weird thing is that Ubuntu’s multi boot application GRUB doesn’t recognize my Windows XP Pro as i have installed Ubuntu onto one of the three hard disks! And i came home, feeling as usual tired, carried my heavy desktop down to the Computer shop, let them fixed it up for a nominal price like hmmmmph, $10? Waited from 7pm till 9.30pm, and they came back, “Oh we cannot fix it, i’ve got to reinstall the entire Linux and Windows XP as they cannot find the OS!” and it just shows, they have no idea how to use linux. I was mildly disappointed, and i got to drag my sorry arse with the heavy desktop back home, and i sat down determined (Only at that time) to fix it. And walllllaaaa! a mere 4 lines of unix script on the boot.lst of Grub settles it, basically telling GRUB to look into hd0,0 which is the first main drive and list it as one of the option for booting up and Waaaalalalalaa! Now i got a beautiful option of Windows XP Pro on the duo boot menu! Proud of myself, but at the same time, sheer disgust that i can do it in 1 min, and wasted 2 hours 30 mins at the shop!

Walk the morning thoughts

You know how kids when they got a new shoes and they went off to school, all the other kids will step on their shoes? I used to step on my own shoes so it won’t get dirtied by other people. The mentality carries on when we grow up to adulthood.

Such reaction is without any post processed thought flow put to it. Kids are simply kids, and like how we used to share so fervently about our faith previously but now, there are other considerations which kinda tinted our passion.

As i was waiting for cab, i got duped by two ladies, who came in front of me to get the cab! O well. There is a lesson in every life’s events, and i thought this could be me, that i should not fret nor get angry. Ok, that’s all for now for the walk the morning thoughts!

Much ado about nothing

Yeah! “Much Ado about nothing” is a Shakespeare play that it is also the first Shakespearean movie made. It was an absolute classic but then again, this post is not about the movie nor about the literature. Over the last few weeks or perhaps months, as i sat down tonight amidst of all the busyness, I realized it is all about much ado about nothing.

I have found myself beginning to grow cold, not my faith which in God’s grace, it is constantly being challenge and refined through trials and even temptations, but it is the passion to study and read His Word. As i have seen in many, not that i physically see, but senses it that the Church on the whole has grown cold in the area of reading His Word.

Christians today care more about getting the best out of a sermon they heard every Sunday out of the pulpit, but left their leather bound bible on the desk or bookshelf throughout the week, hoping and looking forward to another round of recharge that Sunday. I have nothing against finding solace and encouragement from the sermon on Sunday, but to rely solely on that, is like starving ourselves like crazy throughout the week and expect a feast just on Sunday morning? I too, have been guilty of that sin (as the scriptures plainly put it, if we know it is good and not do it, is counted as sin). I have been neglecting my love duty to read His Word regularly, even neglected in studying it. Prayer alone is not quite enough, because the Word is a direct communication that God has spoken through, and through it, we know how we can come to God, and what it meant by reverence.

I am so tired and so busy over everything – work, projects, and more projects and it seems neverending, and more worries about finances, because i have projected a tough time ahead for the next few months at least with huge bills to pay. Not that i do not believe in what Pastor Sally is so convicted that God pays our bills, sometimes, God choose not to, for there are millions of poor Christians out there, and God did not pay for them, not forgetting i believe God did pay for some, for who am i that i should say God shows favoritism. It is not the aim that God should pay my bills, but it is the aim, that despite hardship, and hunger, it is a choice that i can choose to put God first, or just wallowing in self pity. Have you ever wallowing in Self Pity hoping that if God can do this, or that, that everything will be fine? No, of course. It is all about Jesus really. It is all about Him.

God help me to spend time everyday with you, that I may not forget the intimacy possible amidst the schedule and madness, for i am confident, that Jesus is walking with me!

Living above Mediocrity

I went back to cellgroup last night and it wasn’t what i expected it to be, from the start to the finish, i found myself drawn into a discussion which i dread as much as what i hated what i was previously. However i wonder, if the church is really ‘dead’?

The church has lost its shine, not just passion, but the hunger and thirst for spiritual stuff. Its appetite for God is lost as the church is since Apostle got the stroke. I have to admit, several times, I wonder where the church is heading. It is true that we are not getting the same type of sermons but all credits to what Pastor Frankie is putting in, the church’s number is dropping, less enthusiastic during worship, and for a moment, or actually a few, that the entire service looks like a staged performance.

I really dread the discussion on that last night because i feel keenly that christians today or rather within the church depend on the leadership for their spiritual health. Probably that the church’s built around Apostle does not help when he is missing in action, rather than building it around our faith in Christ. As opposed to what Alex said about no one fights alone, i for one, fought the christian battle alone for the last 8 years? and i survived. My spiritual growth is not depended on human nor the sermons in church, they merely are the additional encouragement, and i am not sure about this, that we ought to be growing from our daily walks in Christ. That everyday ought to be an intimate exchange with God.

One is allowed to argue, or even struggle with God, as i’ve learned, that even at times expressing our difficulty in trusting in Him, or even when doubts crept in about His existence. God will respond. God will show me how real He is. If Christian walk is all smooth, then that i must question if that’s the same God i serve. Adversities have its uncanny ways to make us grow, it forces us to look beyond what humanly strength can possibly be exhausted to what is ultimately infinite, that is only in God. We need to come to that point and realized, it is not me. I’ve done all i can humanly possible and yet fail utterly, and the only way is to trust in Him, and when one reaches that point, it is alot easier to pour the entire being in trusting God, for there is truly, without a ‘me’ in there anymore.

I realized in the midst of the ‘discussion of church’s mediocrity’ that my ministry lies outside of this church, in teaching, and in preaching. But what’s ministry? Someone once asked, should fellowshipping be always constantly on spiritual things, not bridge, or having fun, or having discussion on secular things? Let all our conversation be wholesome and reflecting the grace of our Lord Jesus. (just thinking of a verse in the bible on that, somewhere if i remember vaguely).

If cell is like that every week, i will probably decide to quit it for good? Not sure but that’s definitely not what i have in mind actually…… just a slightest bit of disappointment that it dragged till 11pm. Goosh.

A deeper walk

From the confusion, God has called into order. From the chaos of my life, God has called sanity to return, to reason, to dwell deeply in the knowledge through faith in His faithfulness.

“Sing O barren woman, you who never bore a child,
Burst into song, shout for joy,
you were never in labour,
Because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband” Says the Lord.

Enlarge the place of your tent
Stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back.
Lengthen your cords
Strengthen your stakes

For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities

Do not be afraid, you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth and
remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband –
The Lord Almighty is His Name
The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer.
He is called the God of all the earth.

The Lord will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit –
a wife who married young
only to be rejected, says the Lord

For a brief moment I abandoned you,
But with deep compassion I will bring you back.

In a surge of anger,
I hid my face from you for a moment.
But with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you
says the Lord Your Redeemer.

Isaiah 54:1-8

I spent the whole sunday afternoon with Mercy, and i love those time we talked and spent time together. We went for a show Oceans 13, and saw Jenn at Plaza, and the show was great. And Mercy enjoyed herself. We took a walk down Orchard and we talked about what happened on Saturday, and we shared a couple of things about blogging, the Grace of God, and other things.

Blogging is an expression of oneself, it could be objective, but ultimately it is all about ourselves.

The Grace of God is so amazing. None of us Christians can claim to be perfect, without Sin, for if we do, we call God a liar, but He is not! Yet, when i sinned, i was not strike down. The Grace of God is something that gave us the reason to hope, the reason to go on and try to be perfect, to try to be obedient, to try to be perfect, but when we do fall, we know we have a second chance.

It has to be one of nicest afternoon we spent together. I love Mercy!!!!! She is the best!

Lack of vision

I am mildly shocked at the resistance shown during the Youth camp service where Mercy wanted me to go out for prayer, i firmly said no and i realised i am so ‘dead’ to all these emotional display and public demonstration of emotional hyped up and from the fact that i was told to do what Mercy wanted, not because what i want to do. I had enough of doing what people want me to do, be it to surrender my life or come to church to offer my service, i want to do it out of my own willingness, not when people ‘volunteered’ me to do something i never agreed to in the first place! I do not know if i am willing to do it if asked to, because i was never given a chance to respond in that manner, but i know i am not willing to serve just because i am ‘an extra’ or my service is already volunteered by people! I got so pissed off at Mercy and her attitude that i told her to shut up. Maybe i had told God i will never get involved in a youth ministry or get involved in a ministry ever, and i was told or rather commanded by Mercy to send Isaac a message that i will return to the cell, and frankly i never really want to go back, and i wonder why until today, the answer came to me. I do not share in the cell’s vision if there is one in the first place, and that’s why i never see myself fitting in.

Daily verse

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him. Psalms 32:10

 

Can i trust in Him? Can i trust in His unfailing love? Mercy said this that it is not about the blessings that we would trust in Him and to obey him, but even when things do not go well, and everything is in a shambles, she would still trust in Him. The key question is will we trust in God when everything else does not make sense? Would I?

The Last bastion of Christianity

The early church mesmerized the world with its beauty of virtues in the message of purity, love, hope, and holiness through Jesus. 2000 years later in today’s world of the Evangelical Christian Community, I stand and see the last bastion of Christian virtues under siege – Purity.

Over the last one decade, waves after waves of Christian leaders fell to greed, fraud and today, sexual temptation has Christian virtue purity by the chain where Ted Haggard fell in sexual relationship with a male prostitute, and many others and i believe the trend of Christian leaders falling to such sexual temptation will continue in accordance to the Word of God. The last days, such ungodliness will prosper with the insatiable greed of material things.

We are at the verge of an almost complete erosion of religious explosion, from a liberal Christianity to the eastern mystical religions, from the ancient occult, to druidic practises, and the invasion of the black box – Television media, where today young people and adults alike can no longer be safe from bombardment of sublime messages. As we thinketh so we shall be. The sexual revolution of the generation began through the eroded grounds of our Christian values, no longer do we respect woman and man alike as sisters in Christ or brothers, we bought the lie that as long as we like it or our hearts say so, do it. The very satanic concept encapsulated in the Satanic bible written by Anton LaVey, is an aged old lie first told in the heavenlies where Lucifer thought he could be god by exalting himself to the highest.

The survey done on ChristiaNet in America, shows 60% of Christian Men are addicted to Porn, and 20% of Christian Female too. And as many as 80% christians visit porn or soft porn over the last 1 year. And not forgetting the waves of Christian leaders involving in scandals are increasing by the day. So what shall be our response today? Pray for our leaders, and watch ourselves. Like Mercy said on her blog, keep our purity, for without holiness, we will not see God.

Misunderstood

How can someone be so wrong? A shallow assessment of a problem that has gone terribly wrong when one does not seek anyone to understand for to her, he is merely immature. I am under no delusion that i am struggling, at the darkest i will not rely on the warmth or comfort anyone provides, but perhaps something i will need to go through alone. The strength in the passive waiting for miracles is in the wait itself – that through the agonizing silence i can discover the intricate meaning of patience, and perhaps a divine purpose in making sense of this all. I dare not say i have it all under grasp, seriously, i do not know where my next step lies, be it out of the window to end it all, or taking a step in faith to quit the job and trust in the unknown, or continue to persevere in where i am being placed now to tide it off the storm? I have words of encouragement to step out in faith, and encourage to stay and work it out, and all is not an ally in my quest for an answer. I am tired, and Mercy’s tired of life, and perhaps, me too. I wish i could end all this by my choice, which i could, if i take the easy way out, or wait for opportunities to present itself to end it all, or wait for the divine? In which the latter two takes more courage and faith, where the first, just a sense of hopelessness and a wonder what it is like to seriously shut off permanently. I am quite exhausted, a serious understatement but that’s me, sheer playing of fanciful words to express something totally quite different.

Incomparable sense of hopelessness

Frankly i have never felt so hopeless before, an acute loss of hope or certainty about the future. Perhaps this has been the epitome of one losing purpose in life and what it means to be driven to the brink of suicide. I need rescue, everything else is a bleak, and i am tired, i craved for salvation. God? If He is real, he is probably standing at one side, looking down in pity but never raise a hand to help.

Irony about hope and faith

The irony of faith is nothing but hypocritical and hopeless delusion. I am tired of faith, hope, and i am so tired, to the point thinking about it gave me headaches, about God God God God God God! And even more so, when what i am going through is what Mercy calls it nonsense. What has religion taught me, do i need to relearn about religion, life, lies perhaps? Faith is dead and how can i trust in God who is nothing but a concept perhaps?

Consumed by desperation and gave birth to hatred

Ever had that moment that one’s being driven to the wall and in desperation, no where to retreat but to retaliate in anger. Where is God when supposedly the one i need most is just not there. I hate Amos, and all those who have done me wrong. If i see Amos i will make him suffer and his family. I will make him suffer and i will deal him much more sufferings than he did to me. I realised i had so much anger in me that i need to release in this man, and God, i do not trust in Him anymore. I had enough of this religion nonsense.

A frustrating pain

It’s almost a week to being alone and taking care of the house, vodka and all, and at the same time, to gather whatever sanity I’ve left to consider the possibility of quiting my current job and take up a contract job which pays abit more for working 3 days a week, and at the same time finding that extra money to meet the bills for the month, and to hear Mercy talked about how we’ve never talked or communicate, and that she now cannot seems to tell me her struggles, and life is all about meeting ends meet, without really sharing a life. Is that what life has become, sheer mediocrity?

I have to struggle to do two other projects and at the same time, my work in office; not forgetting coming back to try calculate bits and pieces so i can make payment for commitment i shouldn’t have gotten myself in. I am exhausted, i am about to give up, i am struggling every day to live the day, and i am slowly finding less reasons every day to smile, and to find living worth anything anymore.

I find life’s totally meaningless to the point, the daily grind of life has numbed me to the possibility of any divine purpose in life. I must admit, my faith has grown cold from the Amos’ debacle, and old from having found myself hanging on to a faith now seems so strange. I do not want to treat people from church as family, nor do i really see myself fitting into a church sort of group. I do not wish to be a hypocrite to pretend i like them, and not that i find sermons boring, but its words seems powerless, too shallow that i cannot be shaken to the power of conviction which i ought to when being confronted, instead, i think my own talk in the brain brought more conviction than a sermon which did not even touch the bible, nor expound from the Scriptures! I am appalled by such that i wonder where is my faith going.

Life is surely a journey, by which i wonder where i am, perhaps listening to advice, listening to people telling me what i should do and what i should not, or putting me on a guilt trip, like hullo, am i a cold hearted rock that i do not know what is the right thing to do or should i be subjected to constant reminder and nagging that i ought to do this or that? Why did i commit myself to a decision that i am struggling to honour?

Despite the many so called divine coincidences when i read about CHEER UP when you are in trial etc etc from James 1, as if i do not know, maybe my heart should have heeded that encouragement, but question remains, how long more? I am sick and tired of this life, a mediocre life, a mediocre existence of a man who dream of the stars, but now i can only wallow in pitiful mud. Once in the show “The Princess diary” when the late father through a letter to her daughter, wrote, and i remember, The Courage lives and surely maybe they will be embarrassed, having set backs etc, and the cautious will probably never go through that but they have never live at all. I was thinking that i should take a step out and do this and that, despite the very fear of losing the security blanket – my job which offers at least a minimum amount of pay every month. Am i relying on this job as my security, or is God trying to tell me i should depend on Him? I am afraid and i mean WHO ISN’T?

Seeing how Mercy suffers being with me make me wonder, by being with me a mediocre person, has ever brought any blessings to her except that we have to worry about meeting ends meet every month, to find that extra dollar. That now she can’t go for her shopping to buy the thing she wants, or go for her sushi buffet, or watch a movie as and when she wants, or to go for a short trip when her best friends flaunted about trips to Hong Kong or Bintan etc, or to be adventurous to go explore town etc that i cannot provide all that now, and seriously i am beginning to wonder if God did make a mistake in me. Before i take a dip into the puddle of mud, (oh is that a song or a band?), i secretly wish i can just disappear, or everything there is a ‘restart’ button, or there is a reset when the game over sign appears, for i fear, my life’s very much a game over, for once my faith is too old, too cold, too calloused to even think God is interested in me, or worse, that i ever believe God exist or is He just a figment of my wishful imagination? Can someone give me an answer, or better still, let me know what i should do. Ah finally an appropriate word, more than apt, to describe my mediocre life – LOST in the moment of space and time.