When God draws near.

9 10 2008

It was a sense of great honour to be in the presence of great people, and I personally have a few in my memory. But never a time that I was in the presence of great people that i do not deserve, or that I was drawn into the presence that’s based on the air of hostility except one.

Today, after weeks of intense struggles, that I’ve decided the course I would have to undertake. I was offered help, but at the course of another debt that i cannot hope to repay. The business I have set up unfortunately hasn’t really taken off, with many problems that i seems to be helpless with – like dealing with people in office that is wholly incompetent and getting backstabbed by that ingrates. Lack of appropriate financial compensation from the business really puts my faith to the test, but it was in reality the knowledge that my burden will be tripled when Mercy goes off to the mission field in Jan. I find myself unable to trust God to be the Jehovah Jireh, and in fact, i find Him to be far off; hence my christian walk suffers that i cannot come to Him in confidence.

On top of the business problems, financial problems, in personal life, i found myself emotional drained and unstable. I need a long break, I need a reason from God to why i need to go through all these, or that if this is in His will? Getting involved in the youth, in discipleship, which i would love to, but i won’t because i cannot commit when my mind and heart are telling me otherwise.

Under my care was one brother in Christ, Boon Wan. He hasn’t been attending church and i messaged him asking how he is doing, and the reply was that he wants to lead his own life, making money, taking care of his birds and managing his house etc and he is not inclined to come to church. Not that i am shocked by this, cos i have already in mind why he has been absent from Church. But it was my response that i am shocked. It is not the righteous that Christ came, in fact if i am so good, there wouldn’t be a need for God’s grace and mercy every day. It is not that i need to go to church daily or the length of my prayer that justifies me, but it is my conscious need for God that God is pleased with. i can’t live a day without His Grace and Mercy for indeed it is His faithfulness and loving kindness that sustain me. One thing is that i told him, the Church and the family at Paradise of God will always welcome him and will always be there in prayer for him. I think the Church might not be perfect but we can at least love, not just that, but love each other deeply in the Love of Jesus.

I reflected on that incident, that through my words, i began to realize the shift in my theology; now not that i am a gnostic and paganistic cult guy, but i am seeing the world through the eyes of God, and isn’t that theology. Theology in itself is merely a scholastic pursuit of the assumption to know God, but that is wrong. Theology ought to be tickled with knowing God through His Eyes, and His heartbeat for i have learnt to know someone, is to know His heartbeat and to see the world through His Eyes.

I am not perfect, like what Ryan would have inferred, i am far from perfect. But i hope it is my little steps to change, to walk rightly before God is what matters to Him, and if i really believe God is God, and Jesus is God, and Jesus is real and everything that’s written in the bible is real, then i must believe He can take a -10 and a -10 (total -20) to be a million for His glory. Ryan said I am a -10 in terms of financial, and Mercy -10, so how can a -20 touch the world? Yes it is true in Man’s eye, but now, i also see how a boy with 5 loaves of bread and 3 fishes fed the multitude that day.

Trials by Fire

20 11 2007

Fear is the shadow of Faith – Pastor Doug.

The same is true that trials are the shadows of every moments of intimate with God. A Christian who seeks to find God and to seek God with all his heart, is a definite target for the devil. But surely, with every passing of the storm, the sun will shine. The storm will pass, no matter how bad it is, God still reigns sovereign. My trials by fire lasted one day, from sheer intimate moments with God to the gates of hell, and i can only thank God for His grace and Mercy!

Singapore v Tajikistan

10 11 2007

National Stadium

It is the start of the World Cup 2010 Asian Qualifying round where Singapore meet Tajikistan at the National Stadium, where the host went on the win 2-0.

The crowd was merely less than 5,000 and the shouts and cheers were a reminiscence of the past days where Jenn and I went to support Singapore playing against Pahang, Penang, Selangor in the Malaysia Cup days. There wasn’t a Kallang wave, or the Lions roar, perhaps an occasional outburst of the familiar swearing at the referee, but all was another boring game. At least the opportunity was rescued by the fact that i went ahead to spend time with Josiah, who was alone. I thought it was nice having to watch football with him, who i can tell, has a strong interest to write for Sports and Football specifically.

After the game, i went off to meet Mercy which is her birthday TODAY!! yes 10 Nov. We spent some time together outside till about 2am. I am glad to have been there for her on her birthday. Well Singapore is meeting Tajikistan this sunday and hopefully to beat them at their home ground to go on to the Asian Qualifying Group stages.