It was a sense of great honour to be in the presence of great people, and I personally have a few in my memory. But never a time that I was in the presence of great people that i do not deserve, or that I was drawn into the presence that’s based on the air of hostility except one.
Today, after weeks of intense struggles, that I’ve decided the course I would have to undertake. I was offered help, but at the course of another debt that i cannot hope to repay. The business I have set up unfortunately hasn’t really taken off, with many problems that i seems to be helpless with – like dealing with people in office that is wholly incompetent and getting backstabbed by that ingrates. Lack of appropriate financial compensation from the business really puts my faith to the test, but it was in reality the knowledge that my burden will be tripled when Mercy goes off to the mission field in Jan. I find myself unable to trust God to be the Jehovah Jireh, and in fact, i find Him to be far off; hence my christian walk suffers that i cannot come to Him in confidence.
On top of the business problems, financial problems, in personal life, i found myself emotional drained and unstable. I need a long break, I need a reason from God to why i need to go through all these, or that if this is in His will? Getting involved in the youth, in discipleship, which i would love to, but i won’t because i cannot commit when my mind and heart are telling me otherwise.
Under my care was one brother in Christ, Boon Wan. He hasn’t been attending church and i messaged him asking how he is doing, and the reply was that he wants to lead his own life, making money, taking care of his birds and managing his house etc and he is not inclined to come to church. Not that i am shocked by this, cos i have already in mind why he has been absent from Church. But it was my response that i am shocked. It is not the righteous that Christ came, in fact if i am so good, there wouldn’t be a need for God’s grace and mercy every day. It is not that i need to go to church daily or the length of my prayer that justifies me, but it is my conscious need for God that God is pleased with. i can’t live a day without His Grace and Mercy for indeed it is His faithfulness and loving kindness that sustain me. One thing is that i told him, the Church and the family at Paradise of God will always welcome him and will always be there in prayer for him. I think the Church might not be perfect but we can at least love, not just that, but love each other deeply in the Love of Jesus.
I reflected on that incident, that through my words, i began to realize the shift in my theology; now not that i am a gnostic and paganistic cult guy, but i am seeing the world through the eyes of God, and isn’t that theology. Theology in itself is merely a scholastic pursuit of the assumption to know God, but that is wrong. Theology ought to be tickled with knowing God through His Eyes, and His heartbeat for i have learnt to know someone, is to know His heartbeat and to see the world through His Eyes.
I am not perfect, like what Ryan would have inferred, i am far from perfect. But i hope it is my little steps to change, to walk rightly before God is what matters to Him, and if i really believe God is God, and Jesus is God, and Jesus is real and everything that’s written in the bible is real, then i must believe He can take a -10 and a -10 (total -20) to be a million for His glory. Ryan said I am a -10 in terms of financial, and Mercy -10, so how can a -20 touch the world? Yes it is true in Man’s eye, but now, i also see how a boy with 5 loaves of bread and 3 fishes fed the multitude that day.
My footsteps in the River of time 
Recent Comments