Lack of vision

16 06 2007

I am mildly shocked at the resistance shown during the Youth camp service where Mercy wanted me to go out for prayer, i firmly said no and i realised i am so ‘dead’ to all these emotional display and public demonstration of emotional hyped up and from the fact that i was told to do what Mercy wanted, not because what i want to do. I had enough of doing what people want me to do, be it to surrender my life or come to church to offer my service, i want to do it out of my own willingness, not when people ‘volunteered’ me to do something i never agreed to in the first place! I do not know if i am willing to do it if asked to, because i was never given a chance to respond in that manner, but i know i am not willing to serve just because i am ‘an extra’ or my service is already volunteered by people! I got so pissed off at Mercy and her attitude that i told her to shut up. Maybe i had told God i will never get involved in a youth ministry or get involved in a ministry ever, and i was told or rather commanded by Mercy to send Isaac a message that i will return to the cell, and frankly i never really want to go back, and i wonder why until today, the answer came to me. I do not share in the cell’s vision if there is one in the first place, and that’s why i never see myself fitting in.



3 responses

16 06 2007

It has been almost 5 to 6 or more years since you last shut yourself off from the church and minsitries and people. I pray you let go the past, all your hurts, the pin from all the crticisms and pain you’ve had from Assembly of God and for once see things from other people’s point of view and not always from your own views only.

And as for your cell group, you do not even attend cell, how do you even comment whether they have a vision or not. Your cell is an awesome cell where they believe in living love and not just writing about it but living it. They believe in freindship evangelism. haven’t you realise it ? You always talk about people talking about God but not living it. one can have all the knowledge but no love and one is just a claning cymbala and resounding gong. Your cell is a group of people who may not have the best knowledge but they learn to love despite their circumstances and heartaches and learn to live a life of giving love and joy..

As for the music ministry, you made the choice to say yes you wish to be in it. Then perservere and show character and a spirit of excellence not one that keeps giving up whenever you feel like it or when you fell lousy. If that is the case everyone in music ministry would have behave the way you do. Yet everyone is pressing on and you can too. You just have to make a choice and I am proud of you for staying as a sound guy all these while despite not wanting to take the guitar which you are good in. Serving is not dependent on your mood. We serve because we love god and we understand what a servant is all about. We serve because we want to give despite our circumstances, our pain, our mood, our low finances and our tiredness. A soldier does not run from war and leave his fellow soldiers to die just because he is feeling moody.

your service at the youth camp was an asking to help for only 15 minutes , if you do not want to help, you can just say so next time and we can get someone else. No point serving and then you complain about it non stop after that. Im sorry that you feel like you are an ‘extra’. Please understand that sometimes it will be really nice if you can just smile and have a willing heart to want to help others.

It is really your own choice to break out of your complains or choose to stay the way you want to be. I will not tell you to do anything if you feel that I am commanding you. And you can tell me to shut up anytime you want.

5 years of being all about yourself and your views and your own opinions and your own ideas and your own thoughts and judgements on others, mayb it is time to focus on others other than yourself only in terms of your life, your time time, your actions, your attitude.

I love u and I care for you. And there are so many people who care and love you. It is your choice to open up your heart or choose to let it remain close.

17 06 2007

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phi4.6-7

17 06 2007

Hi bro.

I am no arm-chair shrink and not up to me to judge you. Just a little sharing that will hopefully bring more light in our walk with the Lord and hopefully some encouragement to you.

Noticed the word you used to describe your reaction re your resistance to dance according to other’s tune… ‘shock’. May I suggest that deep within you (and me and many others too), there is a strong yearning for acceptance and love, the best if it comes unconditionally.

There is nothing wrong with that and certainly no shame to admit to that. Just find them in the right place ie. the love of our Heavenly Daddy. Every other human form of ‘loves’ ie. Eros, Philios all have strings attached. Only Agape love from God can come without any condition or even expectation of reciprocal. Absolutely no string attached.

But unfortunately, we often read our own human experience into the Word of God and make God into our own image by putting un-scriptural condition and expectation into every promises in the Bible which are all “Yes!” and “Amen!” Turning His love letters to us into some cut and dry rules – to keep us in check and hopefully will bring about some form of behavior modification in our lives; or some ‘systematic’ theology doctrine – so that we can manage God and don’t let Him come too close into our lives. We all want some privacy and personal space that keep Him out of bound for intimacy can be messy sometime!?

And you by rebelling and going against every form of social/church protocol and human relationship and expectation, you or rather we all are hoping somebody (who are equally emotionally and spiritually bankrupt), to be able to look beyond our faults and love us unconditionally. If the other person response is going to be unkind or fall short of our expectation which often than not it is, we get upset and further depressed. It’s a vicious cycle, bro.

So rather than seeking the conditional love and acceptance from unstable sources, I suggest that we may want to feed on our Saviour’s love for us. Only He loves us so much that He is willing to suffer the sin, shame and pain at the cross to save, redeem and justify us before God our Daddy. That is what the Gospel or the good news all about. That’s what true 1st century church revival is all about. That is comprehend together with “all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth” of the love of Christ. Eph 3:18-19

Once you are full and satisfied by His love for you then can you recognize your high calling in Christ and all the riches, blessings in heavenly places are yours, the keys of the His Kingdom (Matt 16:18-19) has already been given to us to live a selfless life, to be victorious over our sinful habits and carnal mind and to be a man’s man who make courageous and mature decision. The end result would then bring glory to our Lord as we rest in His finished work and enjoying Him forever!

Let us not be like the heathen that brings disrepute to the name of God by blaming Him for all the ills in the world today whether talking out loud or hissing under our breath! The lack of result in our lives are often because we do not recognize we are the key-bearers and if we do not exercise our faith on His Word and establish His Kingdom on earth as it is in Heaven, no one else will! Not even our Lord God Almighty. Not because He is powerless or indifference to our plight. He just can’t go back against His Word because He has given already given all authority and power to us the Church (not the building or the organization but the universal living body of Christ) in Christ, and this giving is unconditional and with no string attached ie. God did not have a reserved veto power whatsoever even when we prove to be incompetent and blow it big time.

But thank be to Him who has made us “in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” Rom 8:39

Yes, only through His love for us can we be more than a conqueror!

Take time to read and meditate on His love for you, Daniel. You will have a fresher understanding that you are not your feeling within nor your achievement (or the lack of it) without, you are an apple of His eye, the one whom the Darling of heaven was crucified for and the Redeemed which the devil is so afraid of and hell-bent to destroy but yet he knows he is not able to and therefore he can only try to deceive. He would have done a great job to deceive you if he can convince you that your heavenly daddy don’t really love you conditionally and He has some other hidden agenda or He is on some ego-trip or simply don’t know what is best for you.

Last but not least, as mentioned in your daily verse the other day,

“Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.“ Psalms 32:10

The word ‘wicked’ is רשׁע
BDB Definition:
1) wicked, criminal
1a) guilty one, one guilty of crime (substantive)
1b) wicked (hostile to God)
1c) wicked, guilty of sin (against God or man)

So, it is more than just being guilty of crime or sinful deeds but also hostile towards God. And indeed many are the woes of the wicked- the one that is hostile towards the Lord and trust not in Him and His unfailing love. We need His unfailing love to interpret every circumstances and situations in our lives and not the other way round.

Stay rested in His love for you and things in your life will soon turn around as you take His Word at face value and His Vine-Life in you will cause your faith to slowly but surely rise-up to establish His perfect will for each and every area of your life. First start with His love for you.

Thanks for reading.


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