What was wrong with me?

29 09 2006

Over the last one week, i was troubled. Not because of anything to do with Mercy, in fact, Mercy has been such a great blessing and a great comfort instead. I love her!!! Anyway, the thing that has been troubling me, is why wasn’t i encouraged and ministered to during last sunday’s sermon? Was it that the sermon doesn’t speak or not annointed or is it about me? And something happened on monday which caused me to ponder over the condition of my walk with God. Is my integrity and character questionable? It wasn’t so much about my character but my walk with God.

God has brought two issues this week, which i cannot run away. About marriage and family. I was hit by the current talks on the radio about having a healthy family (as the government is trying to bring across a message to couples to plan their marriage and family as to reduce the divorce rate in Singapore), and over the last one week, there is this huge poster at the bus stop about marriage again, and i got the latest Good News Magazine: Special Edition, and guess what!!! Yes, ithe title is “Bringing up a moral child”, and last but not least, Jenn asked me out of a sudden, about my wedding and my preparation! Manz, this is NOT coincidental, and i know this is something God wants to bring to my attention!

Second, is what to make of my christian walk. I love the two podcasts i put up yesterday, as they are the direct answer to my troubled heart. It is about the decision i make everyday that counts, the decision to follow God today! Joshua said to the Israelites “Choose today whom you shall serve! and as for me and my household, we will SERVE the LORD!” see! it is about family again…. it is God’s timing for me to marry Mercy! And i had a rather subdued cell yesterday because first i was so exhausted for some reason, and more, is that i had so many things on my mind that i can’t concentrate. I just wanted to go off as soon as the cell is finished. And as i was walking to the bus stop, i told God, “May i have the honour to walk with you as a friend?” and it hit me! I felt God’s presence, something which i miss terribly. It is not a psyched up feeling, and i know it is real because i felt peace, and i know where i need to be, no more troubled heart, no more confusion, but peace, and it is something only God can give.

I got home and still in a state of subdued quietness, and had a talk with Mercy, and she has been such a GREAT fiancee, reassuring me, and i told her, there is no need, because my security is in God, not in her or this relationship and that i do trust her and have 100% faith and confidence in her. She is just being so great once again. wow….. how did she manage to be such a godly and great fiancee? Just excited about our preparation for our wedding! Well God has brought so much emphasis this week on family and i know this is God’s answer to my question if we are right about the planning for our wedding next year Dec. Well what can i say…. God is great.

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