Will I be a good man?

7 07 2006

Seeing a friend of mine who for the first time became FATHER, and i am thrilled and excited for him as he embarks on this journey of his life as a father for the first time, holding his son, i wonder what’s going through his mind as he gazed at the baby. How would I feel or what would I say to my own son or daughter? I don’t know if i will be a good father? So many things going through my mind as for the first time i took the first step in life, another chapter, another chance i am trusting God to lead, which i know i won’t have enough strength and hope for another failure and setback. It seems the frivilous attention of the saintly has eluded my shadow and perhaps for the first time i realised that little signpost set up at the juncture of my life showing me clearly the paths laid out before me, is something I can choose and it is within my power though compelled by the providence of God, to walk it. I can truly understand now what Apostle Paul wrote at the end of his life in prison, that God is truly the author and finisher of our faith, nothing ever escapes His attention, my Father in heaven is truly attentive to details, and as i thought of the miracle (my friend and his newborn son), now who am i? Sitting in my room, having a terrible terrible headache, a painwrecked body that is crying for rest but unable to find it, the solace i found, in the music from the ipod, playing “Consuming Fire” brought the sweet presence of God and it is stirring up in our hearts indeed the PASSION FOR HIS NAME! Oh Lord, how i long to lift YOUR NAME UP! Father! Use me, use what I have, the limited, the man with five loaves and three fishes resource and use it that i might show someone Your Love. Am i a good man? no, i am a horrible person, I have nothing but struggles, internal battles with the dragons, the sins, the war between the life dominated by the Spirit and the law of Grace, and the life dominated by sin, the law of our fallen world! Ah wretched soul, a soul desperately in need of the grace of God.